The Junk Drawer

Jennifer Lawrence vs. Kristen Stewart

2011-11-19T14:07:00.000-08:00

In just a few month's the entertainment world will beckon a new franchise, The Hunger Games. Set for release in March the YA novel by Suzanne Collins will hit the big screens as a big budget adaptation set to be distributed in hopes to capture the deep pocketed Harry Potter audience. It is not a magical wonderland like HP though as it deals with a dystopian future in which children fight to the death to secure resources for their communities. Whereas the Potter flicks had a few cushy years to introduce us to characters and sell grass flavored jelly beans to fanatics before shit got real the Hunger Games jumps right into the drama.

That being said, give it a shot, I read the first 2 in about 2 days each and plan on starting and finishing the 3rd one this Thanksgiving weekend and anticipate I will be digesting it before all the left overs are gone.

This brings me to my second point. I'm just a causal observer of the Twilight phenomenon, I've never read the books and have only seen the first movie, which was hands down the worst thing I've ever seen. That being said, my perception of the Hunger Games is that it's the Anti-Twilight. The main character, Katniss is kick ass, has skills that save the day and struggles to have her voice be heard. She's also self sacrificing and as the books progress grows into a more responsible and self aware person. Katniss is the anti-Bella in that she shies away from relationships because she wants to keep her family and friends safe from the dangers and obstacles that are seemingly unavoidable in her journey. Bella on the other hand is a damsel in distress and is forever creating problems that the male forces have to fix all the time. She sucks, no pun intended.

The casting choice the Hunger Games producers made gives me hope that Katniss will be portrayed in the spirit in which she is intended. Allow this comparison.

Jennifer Lawrence appears to be a confident, grown ass woman:

As opposed to Kristen Stewart who is continuously fidgeting, biting her lip and wearing converse sneakers on the red carpet like she's waiting for the school bus to pick her up. It's the sort of infantilizing look that persists in young starlets today that I detest:

Not to mention the utterly ridiculous tabloid fodder her and Robert Pattinson schill to convince more Twi-hards that this is star! crossed! lovers! ahhh! BARF. I hope Lawrence kills this role and her star rises. I really do.

It would be awesome if this franchise stirs up the kind of attention that Twilight undeservedly garners. It would be refreshing to have a feminist icon like Katniss being heralded by young girls and boys. Previews look great, my fingers are doubly crossed.

Mad Men, I'm Mad at you

2011-11-18T17:53:00.001-08:00

Mad Men isn't going to be on until sometime in 2012 and I'm MAD. I'm starting to forget whatever happened on that show and it's going to now be a chore to get involved before the new season starts. I remember that Don got married to his secretary (and will probably ruin her life),

Joan is pregnant with silver-hair's baby and...AND...ugh is Peggy a lesbian now? Also, what year is it now? Or is it going to be? I hope it's 1989 and everyone has to endure wearing horrible make-up to look older and old Joan/dead silver
hair's now grown up son is played by a digital projection of Michael J. Fox (I'm looking at you co-blogger).

That would solve my other dillema with Mad Men because I'm not only stressing over how little I remember of this show but I am SO OVER every woman in America trying to dress like they are an extra on it. Seriously, the moment has passed because, we have gone into horrible mode.

Witness what was once great:

is now tacky and gross:

THIS IS NOT A COSTUME!

Mad Men, you are on notice.

Corzine at it again

2011-11-04T19:32:00.001-07:00

and by "at it" I mean worthy of this :

sandy corzine pictures

We're back (again) Like the McRib!

2011-11-03T09:13:00.001-07:00

Hello,

After a long hiatus we have agreed to bring back The Junk Drawer.

Much like the title suggests we are back for more tasty tidbits of processed pig intestine that is then molded to look like ribs. Or, news and opinions.

Hi-five if you've never had a McRib!

Penelope Cruz's Explosive Hair Trick

2009-10-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tonight during a very awesome episode of Gossip Girl (CHUCK BASS KISSED A DUDE! LOL) there was a commercial spot for L'oreal's new explosive mascara. The ad features one of my favorite actresses Penelope Cruz swilling some new beauty product with a strange application wand reminicent of some world of warcraft weapon stick.

But what really caught my attention was the way Penelope's hair seems to 'explode' on its own. TWICE.
Peep dis:

Oh, Sorry, the only version I could find is in German.

Cirque Du Smell-le

2009-10-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

Check out this skunk doing hand stands. I want a pet skunk RIGHT NOW! (with the stinker removed of course)

2009-10-12T19:10:00.000-07:00

Visiting a friend this weekend in New York City had many benefits, but the one I would like to touch upon is being able to see "Paranormal Activity" during its limited release run in the NYC. Going to a 4 pm show on a Sunday, we were thinking the theater wouldn't be too crowded, but the audience was substaintial. The movie itself was highly enjoyable and stayed with both of us throughout the rest of the day. It's expected to be released nationwide soon as sales have been incredibly positive for the film which cost a couple thousand bucks to film.

In reading about Paranormal Activity I found a similar product floating around the youtubes. It's called Marble Hornets. So while you wait to see PA, take a look at these!

Zombie Blog!

2009-08-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

We're BAAAAAACCCCCKKKK!

RAWR!

Zombie's know how to spice things up and in honor of our big time comeback here are my favorite examples of this theory.

Perhaps the most classic, ancient and famous Zombie of all time, JESUS!

Rest in peace Sam, "The World's Ugliest Dog"
wait! It Lives! (Oh MY GOD what would you do if that really happened? Thanks, Sam, I didn't really want to sleep tonight anyway.)

I'm all about symmetry. I'll see your Zombie Dog, and raise you a Zombie LOL Cat.

A Zombie anime translates as "Zombie Loan". If I were smarter I could probably witicize something remarkable about the economy; but I'm not. ANIME HAIR! lolzzz

sEXY ZoMbIE Striper PoRN! (link NSFW)

So tell all your friends that we're back and I promise that your bellies will be full of laughter!

Oh and follow us on Twitter, if you're so inclined: http://twitter.com/slammdunk

and so do we.

Don't Stop!

2009-05-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

If there were such a thing as Fantasy Fall TV Lineup Leagues (someone please begin this!) my first draft pick would by Fox's fall comedy "Glee". Last night Fox wisely aired the Pilot episode and I'm already hooked.

Check the trailer

If you caught the pilot or even parts of the above trailer you must have noticed the show stopping cover of Journey's Don't Stop Believing sung by the main cast members. Both myself and my blogger in crime recently discussed said Journey song and how the usage of it in the media has shaped both of our opinions.
This, of course led to a line graph:

Highlights-
Staying Neutral in the 80s and 90s the real hiccup came about in 2004 when pre-Hills Lauren Conrad shared a duet with Stephen on Laguna Beach. BlecH!
As time heals all wounds 'Don't Stop' began to creep its way back into our hearts. When Journey decided to replace their lead singer with some guy from the Philippines that they found on the internet, props were given and the whole band, and their song book rose.
It was all good until the Sopranos Season Finale when the producers decided to be completely vague and stupid by ending their epic series with a fade to black, Journey blasting in the background.
This finally takes us to the here and now, "Glee" upped the ante with their rendition and time will only tell where Journey will take us next (while they laugh all the way to the bank with huge royalty checks). I can speak for my friend, Alex P. Keaton and for The Junk Drawer when I say with confidence that we will never stop believin'!

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

A very special Mother's Day episode of Internet Sentence o' the Day

Backstory: Mom loves the shows Gossip Girl and Jon & Kate Plus 8. I sent her an e-mail about Jon’s recent affair with a young girl and this was her response..

I bet K will be pulling J’s hair transplants out or maybe plucking some from down under!

XOXO
Gossip Mom

-http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/

extra bonus

INTERNET PICTURE OF THE DAY

Doggie Dopplegangers Part 2

2009-04-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry to all you Afghan Hound lovers out there, but Heidi Montag sort of looks like this breed of dog. If it makes you feel any better, she's definitely a lot uglier than the dogs. Much uglier.

Celebrity Dopplegangers

2009-04-26T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm the type of person that constantly compares humans to the animals they look like. I've done it before on this site with my own dog. And I am going to do it again...

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T20:54:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter ya'll, it looks like it came just in the nick if time. If you recall, I gave up stalking Suri Cruise for Lent, but I found out today that she is in more need of saving then ever.

Suri Cruise is reportedly going to start Scientology "training" this week. "The children have a lot of responsibilities from a very young age," a source says of the school, which was started last year by Will Smith "The school is particularly strict about nutrition, demanding a low-carb, low-sodium and low-sugar organic diet. Katie is understandably a little anxious about being separated from Suri.

My name is Suri Cruise

Put your hands in the air!

I came outta da womb

With a full set of hair!

Don't worry Suri!

Hilarious

2009-03-31T20:02:00.000-07:00

In the vein of nostalgia laden programs such as I Love the 80s (the grandaddy of the genre) and all of its subsequent spin offs bred with "where are they now" VH1 will debut all this week "100 Greatest One Hit Wonders of The 80s" if you watch it not only will you remember all of your favorite 80's hits (Tenderness, Key Largo, Supersonic) you will also see how fat the fat girl in one of the best one hit wonder bands of the 00's, The Donna's got since her last vh1 stint.

Hosted by 30 Rock mocku-writer Judah Freidlander this mini series will remind you how awesome 80s music is. It definitely worked for me.

Tina Fey Just 'cuz

For instance, it reminded me how awesome this equation is:

Eddy Murphy

(NSFW)

Rick James, [(sorry, for the nsfw, I couldn't help myself) LOOK AT THAT CHICK GRABBING HER OWN ASS! hahahhaahhahahhaahhaahahahahahahahaahahah]

The 80s

Uh-duh the best video of the 80s

It's A Dance Thang

2009-03-29T20:53:00.001-07:00

Heres to a good week!

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-03-16T16:52:00.000-07:00

"Gimme dat filet o fish"

I'm not worthy....

2009-03-03T20:44:00.001-08:00

I just searched for funny Lisa Frank photos for about 20 minutes. I found some really great pictures of anthropomorphic animals and fairies doing karaoke...but nothing is greater than this photo that also came up in my search.

I now realize the timeline of my life exists in two parts. Part 1 is all the time spent (or shall I suggest, time that I wasted) before I saw this photo. Part 2 is any time after I laid eyes on this miracle of a photo.

Reward for safe return of pink dolphin to Lisa Frank kingdom

2009-03-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

As you may have heard by now, a pink dolphin was spotted off the coast of Louisiana. To some this is a fascinating natural oddity, as if Mother Nature was winking at us. But to the inhabitants of Lisa Frank's kingdom, the pink dolphin is a missing sister and friend. Many believe she was dolphin-napped, to be sold for her magical blubber that can cure nightmares and rainy days. Others think she simply lost her way while playing in a labyrinth of jump-roping butterflies.

Besides being pink, which is a dead give away, she answers to the name of Sunstar McLovely. Her favorite hobbies are listening to her walkman, rollerskating, eating ice cream cones, and sharing secrets. If you find her, they ask you to please alert them via a folded note on LF stationary. A handsome reward will be offered for any clues: free skydiving lessons from Smiley, the rainbow snail.

The following citizens are particularly concerned:

Please help us find her. She always drove us to lacrosse practice! She was so nice.

She was our best friend. One time she tap danced on our piano!

I miss her so much! Every winter we would ski on the clouds. She never fell once.

When I see her again I will give her a hug. Then we will ride bikes on a shooting star!

PINK DOLPHIN

2009-03-03T18:32:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if this is cheating on my Lisa Frank Lent sacrifice but I just had to post the news about the PINK DOLPHIN!

Various news outlets have reported the sighting of a pink bottle nosed dolphin frolicking in the waters and making malted rainbow sherbet milkshakes in a Louisiana lake. The dolphin was spotted by Capt. Erik Rue who described the aquatic cutie as "Absolutely, stunningly pink." "I had never seen anything like it. It's the same color throughout the whole body and it looks like it just came out of a paint booth." Scientists think she's an albino, possible the only one of her kind, but I know who her true sistas are;

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-28T21:11:00.000-08:00

The lengthy article catalogues the perks the family has received, which go far beyond donated diapers and strollers. NBC has remodeled the family home, Jon received a free hair transplant, and the family often goes on free vacations.

I knew it!

Jezebel.com

put on some shoes, bitch

I used to think OPP meant "Old People Party" I'm Down With That!

2009-02-26T16:56:00.000-08:00

Old people are so cute and I love them. I want to give birth to Benjamin Button. So when I was in the gym the other day and this video for Ben Kweller's "Penny on a Train Track" came on I nearly lost my shit. It features Ben's actually grandmother, the spry 82 year young, Bubbie.

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-26T16:00:00.001-08:00

February 26

"First beat I did," he recalls, "was in seventh grade, on my computer. I got into doing beats for the video games I used to try to make. My game was very sexual. The main character was, like, a giant penis. It was like Mario Brothers, but the ghosts were, like, vaginas. Mind you, I'm 12 years old, and this is stuff 30-year-olds are programming. You'd have to draw in and program every little step—it literally took me all night to do a step, 'cause the penis, y'know, had little feet and eyes."

Kanye West in Details Magazine

men.style.com

40 Days Of Feined Piety

2009-02-23T20:09:00.000-08:00

As any good catholic girl knows the season of Lent is a time of self sacrifice. In leiu of toiling in the desert for 40 days and punching Satan in the face, I present my homage to J.H.C.

1. Pausing my plot to kidnap Suri Cruise

I have a huge ovary crush on Suri Cruise, she is so adorable and I want to dress her up in J. Crew clothes and pea pod costumes. I've been planning this elaborate baby heist for a little while so giving it up will be pretty hard. I've already decided to fill the void with hard core stalking of Jon Hamm.

2. Keeping up with the Kardashians

It's just really time consuming.

3. Gossip Girl spoilers

GG hasn't been on in weeks but I already know way too much about upcoming episodes and it makes me sad. I like gasping!
Spoiler Alert: (gasp! Blair and Nate! huhwhat!)

4. Lisa Frank

Lest we forget, Lent is the slow 40 day march to Easter. Ever since I was a kid I have been giving up products just so I can get a Easter basket full of said treats. This year I choose Lisa Frank. In 40 days when you see a crazy woman walking down the street covered in dolphin stickers and kitten temporary tattoos just holla "YOU MADE IT SLAMM D. UNK! HAPPY EASTER!" Hopefully I'll have a feather pen to sign an autograph for you.

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

February 23

Barbara Walters hasn’t had a lap dance for awhile, in fact not since the last time Hugh Jackman pulled her to the stage from his Broadway audience, and danced up-close-and-personal for The View hostess. So in her Oscar Night Special, airing just before the Oscars, he treated her once again.

rightpundits.com

Can I stop doing these things for 40 days?

2009-02-23T18:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not a religious person by any means, but I like the idea of giving shit up for Lent. That's because I could use any excuse to shed some of my many many vices (at least for 40 days). The world will be a better place because of this.

Here are a few of things I will give up this year:

Shopping at Barnes & Noble: Every time I enter this store, I subsequently leave 15 dollars poorer and with one more book I will never read. Public library, public library, public library.

Kidnapping hobos for sport: This is a hobby I will miss.

Eating healthy: Nothing worse than a cliche lenten sacrifice!

Making fun of poor people: It's not their fault!

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-20T20:13:00.000-08:00

February 20

"I'm someone who's very uncomfortable saying goodbye," Conan O'Brien admitted. "I tend to lie to people. I never say goodbye. I always say, 'No, I'll be back in five minutes,' and then I just scram."

LA Times

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

February 19

It is a ridiculous Ponzi scheme, the tuitions at NYU that rise to bizarre and unconscionable levels, the paltry financial aid, and the adjunct wage-slaves, but the costs rise due to demand and the demand in this case is that all you little idiot Trotskyites wanted to go to the same school as fucking Felicity.

Gawker.com

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-18T19:34:00.000-08:00

February 18

Luckily for Michael Jackson, there's never been a better economic climate in which to unload a gently used portrait of the artist surrounded by various cultural and historical figures, each donning the Thriller maestro's trademark shades and Swarovski-encrusted white glove.

-Eonline.com

Internet Sentence Of The Day

2009-02-17T19:48:00.000-08:00

February 17

Amy Fisher is hitting the pole. The Long Island Lolita - who went to prison for shooting Mary Jo Buttafuoco in the head and recently started a porn Web site featuring herself - plans to tour the country as a high-paid stripper. "I love to dance, and I'm an exhibitionist."

-Huffingtonpost.com

Favorite Internet Sentence of The Day

2009-02-16T20:03:00.000-08:00

Monday February 16

"Samantha Judith Ronson, why are you doing this to me?" cried Lindsay Lohan as she chased her lover down East First Street in the wee hours of Valentine's Day.

-NYPost.com

ABBA

2009-02-05T20:15:00.000-08:00

This weekend I watched Mamma Mia! on DVD. Now I'm obsessed with ABBA. With good reason!

Observe:

1. :39 "In Sweden (inaudible) we go skiing, we play ice hockey, and we talk about love."
2. 1:19, "Maybe Alfred Nobel and the Nobel Prize." ....AND DYNOMITE
3. 1:49 money money money
4. 2:44:5. 4:03 Ana (the blonde one) doing the "Scott Hamilton"

1. 01, CHANDELIER, ZOOM OUT
2. :13, smoke machine, check. white matching ensembles, check. rhinestone covered baby grand piano, fuckin check mate!
3. :55 "take it now or leave it!" fist pump
4. 1:40, ooooo its about to get raunchy
5. after a while it just gets really normal to me, which makes me feel like this:

Check out how into it, Benny (the piano player) gets into his performance of Mamma Mia!

DISCO!

lastly, and i know its a repeat but, just skip ahead to
1:27

Kids Say The Darndest Things...

2009-02-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

...when they are as high as a kite. Check out 7 year old David here, whose father filmed his post dental surgery trip.

I kinda wanna get my wisdom teeth pulled now.

Addicted to Blingee, In Other News

2009-01-22T17:32:00.000-08:00

One of my facebook friends posted that NY congresswoman Kirsten Gillibrand will be appointed to Hillary Clinton's vacant senate seat. Without even googling this information to see if it is true, I decided to make it official and mark the occasion accordingly.

Myspace Glitter Graphics

As a New Yorker I'm familiar with Gillibrand, she's a former Manhattan Attorney who in 2006 ran for the congressional seat representing the 20th district of N.Y. including Dutchess County and Saratoga "Daddy Needs a New Pair of Shoes" Springs. Governor David Patterson said earlier this week that he was looking for a woman to take the vacant junior N.Y. senate seat, commenting that he "only can see a woman taking this position. That's what she said." But you know, figuratively, because, you know.

wink, wink.

America's Most Treasured Historical Women...... bLiNgEd OuT!~!*!~!

2009-01-22T16:36:00.000-08:00

Amelia Earhart

Martha Washingston

Harriet Tubman

Helen Keller

Blingee!

2009-01-21T20:46:00.000-08:00

Thanks to blogidol Michelle Collins from the Best Week Ever blog for introducing the world of Blingee to my life.

Glitter Graphics

Where Is My Mind?

2009-01-21T14:43:00.000-08:00

This morning I woke up with the worst headache. Then I realized tonight was the season premiere of Lost. The mind fuck continues!

Inauguration Nation

2009-01-20T19:45:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm going to take a step back from my usual writing style. Reasoning? I would feel sort of bad about making fun of people on this most historic day, especially since Barack Obama is more teamwork and gung-ho than a cheerleading squad practicing to a remix of the High School Musical show stopper We're All In This Together.

Instead I'll just make fun of myself.

Today was an emotional and proud day for all Americans, and this blogger with a cold heart of stone got a bit choked up at times. These times specifically:

1. Reading exerpts from McSweeney's "Thanks and Have Fun Running The Country: Kids' Letters To President Obama"

Nothing gets this sad sack going than hearing the naivite of little ones. The best one:

First 10 Things You Should Do As President:

1. fly to the white house in a helicopter

2. walk in

3. whipe feet

4. walk to the oval office

5. sit down in a chair

6. put hand sanitizer on hands

7. enjoy moment

8. get up

9. get in car

10. go to the dog pound

2. Seeing Disney's "Earth" Trailer for the First Time

Animal kind gained a new protected today with the inauguration of Prez. Obama. Watching the trailer for Disney's "Earth" documentary, specifically at 2:06 when a young duckling escapes from the nest to the chords of Sigur Ros I truly identified with all of Earth's creatures.

3. Everytime a Black Woman Cried, So Did I

Mary J. cried. I cried.

Beyonce cried and said she wished she was smarter. I cried.

Random studio audience women cried, I cried. By the way, how cute is it when someone is crying on television and then they see themselves on air and instantly go crazy with excitement.

Close Call: Aretha Franklin singing "My Country Tis of Thee"

Normally I would have been all blubbery watching the Queen of Soul belting a patriotic tune, but her choice of headgear was so distracting, plus UGH-MAZING that I really just couldn't muster it up. I've convinced myself that Aretha thought this hat choice through with that notion in mind. Queen Aretha didn't want to steal Obama's thunder in the tears department, so she had to create a distraction. Aretha isn't one to steal the show, she's classy, unlike that skinny bitch Diana Ross. Genius!

Weekend Shiz

2009-01-18T20:05:00.001-08:00

Attention all disaster video lovers! You may have been as bummed I was when no video footage of the U.S. Airways Hudson River plane crash surfaced immediately, but now you can enjoy multiple angles of Pilot ~~Sully~~ Earhart's miraculous landing.

Happy 200th Birthday Edgar Allen Poe! What's that? The football team honoring your life's most renowned work lost their chance for glory and fame in Super Bowl 09? For some reason I don't think you would have it any other way.

Heath Ledger is back in the news, taking the cover of Entertainment Weekly who decided to get a leg up on the 1 year death anniversary exploitation$. Heath Ledger: The Untold Story hit news stands this week with interviews from some of Heath's closest friends. EW basically concludes that Ledger died from a broken heart and not a lethal combination of sleeping pills, anxiety medication, painkillers and an apparent relationship with Mary-Kate Olsen.

In other celebrity notations Joaquin Phoenix can add Rap Career to his resume alongside Academy Award Nominee, bad talk show guest and less talented surviving sibling. Oh you gotta know there is video proof! I really have no idea what he is saying but I do know that he starts to smack his own ass toward the end.

Entertainment Tonight, the North Star of celebrity news was in Washington D.C. this weekend covering all of the glitz and glamor of the Presidential Inauguration celebrations. There, they met up with music legend Stevie Wonder. Never to pass up a good ole fashioned blind guy joke, E.T. asked Stevie Wonder if he would be appearing on ABC's Dancing With the Stars anytime soon. Stevie's response? "I wouldn't rule it out." Oh my fucking god, PLEASE DO IT STEVIE!

A 19 year of Florida man wasted a perfectly good taco this weekend when he assaulted his mother with the Mexican food staple. Dena Moir, mother of Zachary Moir stated "He went ahead and hit me with the taco and I got taco all over my shirt and kitchen. I've threatened to call police before. But anyway this time, I thought he went too far so I called police and he's in jail now." link.

Run for the border Zachary!

If you haven't seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button then you might not have to, since you already did in 1994.

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

Franklin Appreciation

2009-01-16T16:35:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, January 17th marks the 303rd birthday of founding father Benjamin Franklin. If you're not squealing "yay!" yet then allow me to convince you that this is a cause for celebration. Actually, fuck that, if you don't think Benjamin Franklin is a b.a.m.f. then you can just stop reading this blog right now and never come back. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you.

The Top 5 Ways to Celebrate Benjamin Franklin's Birthday
5. Bake a Cake Shaped like Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin was so famous that monuments were erected of him while he was still alive, with Ben often posing for busts and portraits of his famous face. During long sittings with artists Ben would coax the sculptors to capture his essence in cake form, often dining on his own marzipan nose (it was his favorite part). Make your own Benny cake and if you happen to burn it, don't worry because B's got your back, he invented the fire department.

Nice job Pierre, but it would be better in marble cake.

4. Fly a Kite

Or just turn on a light. Pause. Reflect. Damn, electricity.

Ben only accepted cherub angels into his intern program.

3. Be Promiscuous

Benjamin Franklin didn't live to be 84 without racking up quite a rep with the ladies. His conquests included Catharine Ray, a 23 year old he landed while he was a youthful 48 and Polly Stevenson, an 18 year old girl he 'took under his wing' during his early 50s. Age never stopped Ben from getting it on with the his female counterparts, dating well into his 70s. He literally wrote the playa' handbook of his day; Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress (1745). So the next time you're sitting around on a Saturday complaining that you don't have any luck with women, take some advice from a bald, fat nerd who bathed like 4 times a year and put yourself out there.

2. Trip Out to a Glass Armonica Jam

B's favorite invention was his glass armonica, a tube of glass bowls that spun and generated sounds similar to those made by touching the rims of wine glasses with a wet finger. During its heyday it became so popular that Mozart recorded on it. Check it out, it's seriously weird.

1. Go See 'Notorious'

It's all about the Benjamins baby!

Pilot of crashed jet to reveal true identity...

2009-01-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've heard by now, Chesley Sullenberger successfully a landed a crashing commercial airplane on water without any fatalities. It's a true winter miracle! This probably qualifies him as the best pilot in the history of the universe...

But my theory is that when he sits down for a high profile interview with some Oprah-esque TV show host/goddess... Chesley will stand up, unzip his full body disguise, and reveal his true identity......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

AMELIA EARHART LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I really need to learn how to make our blog posts feature one of those "after the jump" numbers, huh)

Kitchen Nightmares

2009-01-15T17:01:00.000-08:00

The Fox reality hit Kitchen Nightmares is coming to my town! The restaurant being descended upon is where everyone holds their prom/wedding/bah mitzvahs/lion's club meetings. Gordon Ramsey, the quintessential British Asshole Host (BAH! [humbug]) will be bringing his distinct flair and network budget to town, but he'll never have his youth again, unlike his lil' counterpart.

The part at the end with the parent swing KILLS me.

Two more videos can be found here and here.

Personal hi-five: I've been invited to the grand re-opening, so hold onto your fucking hats!

Lil J Is A Ninja

2009-01-13T16:41:00.000-08:00

If you casually read this blog then you know that Gossip Girl is one of our favorite shows. That's why I'm so excited to post this insane video of Jenny Humphrey a.k.a. Taylor Momson in a pretty sweet Nike ad. They should really employ these "skills" into her role on GG.

Enjoy, XOXO

S. P. II : Back With A Vengeance

2009-01-12T18:46:00.000-08:00

She's baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack

Stray Observations:

-:23 Right off the bat with the Trig rumor bitterness, ahhh I remember when that ish dropped.
-:50 "Anonymous bloggers" like this one, this one, and this one. Oh and this and this.
-1:46 Michelle Obama was totally off limits.
-At 2:45, is that a blurred out photo of a soldier behind her? Wait? Is this her living room? I've always wanted to know if her enlisted son was hot and this camera could not focus for 1 second, fuckers.
-3:05 Still with the hooker boots, huh S?
-3:37 "Because Katie, you're not the center of everybody's universe, GOOOOOSHHHHH"
-3:48 Do you read? Really? Do you?
-4:35 And then it was said that the Great Grizzly rose up out of the female mother's peach blouse and laid waste to the witches round table. They would view no more.
-5:11 Tina Fey is my heroin, I need another hit.
-6:41 OBAMA/PALIN THE GREAT HELLFREEZE OF 2012
-The whole time she was talking about how much the world would have loved her if she were a Democrat I kept thinking about how crazy Bette Davis was in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" especially right at the end when she looks at her dying crippled sister and says "You mean all this time we could have been friends?"
-7:51 "Sometimes when I open the paper and I see that something has to be corrected..."
-blah, blah, blah, damn did I miss this broad.

Celebrity Doppleganger: Volume 6

2009-01-12T18:38:00.001-08:00

Alright this one is sort of a cheat because they acknowledge their doppleganger-ness.

Billy Bush and Simon Baker

How I Spent My Saturday Night

2009-01-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

Appetizer:

Dinner:

Dessert:

Midnight snack:

Minnie World

2009-01-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

Recently I have developed an obsession with miniature things. For instance, today at my house we dismantled the Christmas tree and this tiny piece of the tree fell off and looked like a mini tree stump. It was then that I giddily exclaimed, "I love miniature things because they make me feel like a giant!"

Fee Fi Foo Fum!

Mini Sushi
Mini Bar Set (get it get it?)

Check out this video, it's of the real world, but the way it is shot makes everything look miniature. Sigh, if only.

The North Wind Blew South from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

New Favorite Animal Of The Year

2009-01-10T18:02:00.001-08:00

RED PANDA!

I want one of these, but it's apparently illegal. The only thing that could possibly be better than snuggling with one of these fluffy fru frus would be if I were to die and come back to Earth as a red panda. That way I could achieve true nirvana, as well as sleep in a tree.

In Japan there is this popular television show in which they stick a cute Japanese girl in a tiny house to have a sleep over with a variety of adorable animals. In the past they have played in the snow with giant panda pups and tiger cubs. Of course there is one with red pandas, and it is so adorbz!

Celebrity K'NEX

2009-01-07T18:39:00.000-08:00

Have you ever met a celebrity? Let me be more specific, have you ever made awkward eye contact with someone you knew was famous only to toss aside all manners and proceed to confirm their celebrity status? I have! LIST!

The Top 5 (or 6) Celebrities I've Ever Talked To

6. John Heard

The dad from Home Alone lives in the town I grew up in and he is so totally that semi famous guy who lives in your hometown. I've met him once or twice as has "twinwizard" from the IMDB message board, who pretty much sums up 99% of celebrity encounters with this anecdote;
He was with his son in a video store i live by called alice in videoland and i was 9 so i asked my dad "is that the guy in home alone?" and he said i have no idea go ask. so i did and sure enough it was him. it was wierd cuz thats the only celebrity i have ever met... pretty neat ya think?

I have to give it up to John Heard for foregoing the Blockbuster in favor of Alice, but not even his business and the extensive adult video section could keep it from falling down the recession rabbit hole. R.I.P.

5. Naturi Naughton

The girl who got kicked out of 3LW! She went to my college and one time, I sat behind her in the cafeteria and sang "Playas Gon' Play," because I'm a huge jerk. Luckily she didn't throw a plate of hot KFC at me. Has anyone seen the preview for Notorious, she's playing Lil' Kim, whose laughing now Cheetah Girls?

She was in the typo commercial too. Damn, note to self: add "insulting celebrities" to resume.

4. Rachel Dratch

I met Debbie Downer on the subway in March. All I really remember from our chat was that I recalled reading somewhere that she was depressed about not being on SNL anymore and for not being asked to be a part of the Vanity Fair funny women issue. It was the first time I ever felt really bad for a celebrity. Fuck, she really is a downer.

3. Mark Linn-Baker

A few years back while working a depressing retail job, I was taking my lunch in the food court. It was then that a normally bleak half hour of feigned freedom became a celebrity meet and greet with Larry Appleton who was sitting a table away. He was there with his daughter who was playing with a nutcracker and all I could think about was "who the hell plays with a nutcracker?"

2. John Legiuzamo

In the same mall previously mentioned I met John Leguizamo, his blond wife and children. He was pushing a Target cart around the store I worked in (which wasn't Target) and he had these ridiculous cornrows in his hair.Just picture exactly this, but with cornrows, a Knicks jersey and buckets of sweat. Yeah, he was all sweaty.

1. Macaulay Culkin

There is this old story about Macaulay which says that after he won the legal battle with his parents to gain financial control of his earnings he bought a tuxedo and tails complete with a top hat and monocle. Where would he wear such a ridiculous ensemble? Hmmm...maybe outside of Madison Square Garden to be body checked by a careless 12 year old tourist. WHATUP! It was me.

Sorry about the suit, dude.

2008 A Year To Like Stuff

2009-01-07T17:52:00.000-08:00

I understand that it's January 7th 2009, but you know what?! If Keith Olbermann can do it, so can I.

2008 movies/music/etc..............................

MOVIES

Wall-E

Watching Wall-E is like the soul's equivalent to being hugged by a giant de-clawed panda. It is so sickeningly cute that when other people mention it in passing I temporarily pass out from adorable diabetes. With a few beeps, boops and broken mechanical english, a robot taught me how to love, oh and the importance of recycling and exercise. ROBOTS IN LOVE!

Wall-E Outrage

When I genuinely love a bauble of pop culture I develop a sick facination with the pandering and hatin' of it. I giggled when conservatives called Wall-e "Mathusian Fear Mongering" and when fat people got all huffy when their kids laughed at them and said "you sit in a chair all day too!"

The Dark Knight

I only saw this because I wanted to gawk at Health Ledger. It was pretty good, but sort of long. Long enough to start mocking Christian Bale's husky voice.

MUSIC

Beyonce, "Single Ladies"

Beyonce has this gift of putting a song in the public's collective heart. Specifically people who have cameras and youtube accounts. Thanks for looking out for me, B!

LOOK AT HOW THE CAMERA SHAKES!

M.I.A. "Paper Planes"

You know you were obsessed with this song all summer. When it would come on you would pump up the volume, put down the windows of your sedan and blast that shit. Thats right, put the paper plane hands up in the ayyy-er!

T.V.

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Wait, you don't watch this show? Did you know Ice-T is in it? He makes a boob joke every episode. I bet you'll watch it now.

Best Week Ever

It's the Best! (wink wink wonk!)

The Best of 2008: Listmania

2008-12-29T18:09:00.000-08:00

About 5 mins ago I was thinking to myself: SHIT it's almost 2009 and I haven't even come up with my "best of" lists!!! This was a total poop-your-pants-because-you-are-so-frantic moment because, if you've ever read our blog, you know we love making lists. It's what we live for and 80% of the reason why we even keep this site...to make lists of crap!

So here it is...the best of 2008:

Top 5 Movies*
1. Slumdog Millionaire
3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
4. The Dark Knight
4. Milk
5. Ghost Town

Top 5 Albums
1. Vampire Weekend- Vampire Weekend
2. Fleet Foxes- Sun Giant
3. MGMT- Oracular Spectacular
4. Ra Ra Riot- The Rhumb Line
5. T.I.- Paper Trail

Top 5 Songs
1. Vampire Weekend- Oxford Comma
2. T.I. feat Rihanna- Live Your Life
3. Beyonce- Single Ladies
4. Lil Wayne- Got Money
5. Fleet Foxes- Myknonos/MGMT- Time to Pretend

*This list is merely the top 5 movies I've seen so far. I still have plently more to see before the prestige film season ends. And I have a feeling films like Doubt, Frost/Nixon, The Wrestler, and Revolutionary Road could crack my top 5.

Celebrity Dopplegangers, Vol. 6

2008-12-13T23:10:00.000-08:00

For your consideration:

Linda Cardellini vs. Ellen Page

A side by side comparison, shall we?

On the Red Carpet, both donning black:

Linda? Juno? omg who is it???????????

insanely similar looking

I give you: Exhibit B: pictures of two people who look the same

A Chart:

BOOM! dopplegangered!

Celebrity Dopplegangers, Vol. 5

2008-12-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, on a particularly thrilling Saturday night, my friend and I were watching movies and eating left over Chili's. After watching Pride (that black swim team movie) and the last 10 minutes of This Christmas (which consists of a 10 minute line dancing sequence that made me want to bust a move), I decided it was essential that we watch Man of La Mancha since it was on TV. I had seen it in high school Spanish class and remembered it being completely awesome. For those who are unfamiliar, MOLM is a musical adaptation of Don Quixote starring Peter O'Toole and Sophia Loren. Doesn't that just scream, "Spend your Saturday night watching me!"

Well, I don't know what kind of psychedelic drugs I was on in high school that made me like this movie, but the second time around it was really boring. So boring in fact we fast forwarded through all of the non singing parts and laughed at all the weird ass shit occurring on screen. It was then that my friend noticed...

PETER O'TOOLE LOOKS JUST LIKE THE BURGER KING KING!

If you don't see the resemblance, get out of town OK!

And just for fun:

More Like VH -1!

2008-12-03T19:49:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time VH1 was a pretty cool channel to watch on a boring Saturday afternoon. A day of studying used to be so much more motivational and entertaining while watching a marathon of the 'Fabulous Life' and finding out just how many chihuahuas Paris Hilton could fit inside a fleet of diamond encrusted Hummers. Hell, for a while there it was even good enough to tune into on purpose (remember the first I love the 80s!). Those days are clearly bygone and proof of this can be found on the vh1 website's list of most popular posts;

New York Apologizes to Jennifer Hudson

Daisy of Love: It's On!

Real Chance of Love Recap: The Girl With The Most Chain

Rock Of Love Charm School: Sex, Videotape and Apathy

Is Pumpkin Getting Married?

The Celebreality Interview: Hoopz

Mary Carey's Return To Rehab

Real Chance of Love Girls: Hot or Not?

Chance Describes Sex With NY

Rock of Love 3 Announced

What is VH1 thinking? Most of these "celebrities" are those that they have manufactured themselves. For instance, Real and Chance of Real Chance of Love were on I Love New York and New York was on Flavor of Love and Flavor Flav gained a comeback by appearing on The Surreal Life. Wrap. Your. Mind. Around. That!

The latest development is that Rock of Love 3 has been announced with the twist that it will be all shot on the road while it's star Brett Michaels performs his music at state fairs and Ed Hardy sample sales. This means that we will be introduced to 20 more of America's finest white trash vixens and my hopes are high for them. Here is my personal plea to any one of those aspiring Mrs. Brett Michaels, it's about goddamn time that one of you conniving bitches musters up enough courage to rip that cowboy hat/bandana/wig headpiece off of Brett 's botoxed head and show us what really lies beneath!

My guess, it's something like this:

At least the BWE blog is still hilarious.

I'm Thankful For You!

2008-11-27T22:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving errrrybody! I am so full right now and will probably eat about 10 pounds more before calling it a day (guilt free!) I am so full I can barely see straight let alone write a whole elaborate post with correct grammar and wit, so I'll just get to the point: look at this funny conversation I had with Alex this morning! Little known fact, we are very competitive in regard to exchanging outlandish lies, but for once, I didn't have to lie to top him. So it stands, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, which is held in New York City (holla!) is infinitely better than the Philadelphia Thanksgiving Day Parade (bfffft!)

Proof:

Slamm: Omg, the special needs colorguard of America is performing to the theme of the greatest American hero, "believe it or not, I'm walking on air!!!"

Alex: Well in the philly parade the Von Trapp children performed a disco dance. And I'm watching it at the bar. (11:34 a.m., btw)

S: Rick Astley was on a float and then a muppet said, "I like rick rolling!"

A: shut up you aren't serious.

Yes. I. Wuz.

What I'm Thankful for This Year

2008-11-27T22:09:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving y'all!

Thanksgiving is the best of all the holidays because you can binge eat and no one can say anything to you. And for that I am truly thankful. I'm also thankful for a few other blessings I have had this past year, like the following things.

DVR: I don't even know what DVR stands for. All I know is that its awesome. Like if I am too drunk to remember to watch Gossip Girl...no worries! The magic elves inside my cable box will magically record it for me. Or like if I am trying to watch 30 Rock, but my dog is barking really loud because I haven't fed him in days cause I've been drunk. I just PAUSE until he shuts up!! DVR has changed my life. Thanks, Comcast!

Sarah Palin: I'm really thankful that Obama won and McCain lost. This is a really good thing. But the sick, twisted, weird, fucked-up, masochist part of my brain kinda wishes Sarah Palin was our vice president. Not because I believe in any of her policies or think she would be good at the job. Far from it. I want her as V.P. so I can laugh at all the stupid ass shit she says on a daily basis. Now that shes back in Alaska away from the mainstream media she so despises, I won't be given a daily helping of the Palin giggles I've come to enjoy during election season. I'm going to miss my little bird brain! Thanks for the memories, Sarah.

Rihanna: Rihanna is my favorite lady friend of 2008. Her jams make my morning commute ohhhsoo enjoyable and her Caribbean accent makes my heart smile. Every single song is better than the one before. And she and Chris Brown are my third favorite celebrity couple, behind Rita Wilson and Tom Hanks, and Amy Poehler and Will Arnett. Thanks babe.

Archie Arnett: Speaking of Amy and Will, I am so happy they didn't name their baby something crazy like Rubb3r or Bonzai or Workboot. The name Archie is perhaps the cutest, most perfect name ever for a kid of theirs. I don't know if they can top it for their next spawn, but knowing their creative brainpower I bet they could. Thanks you two.

Thoroughly Clean Face Wash by Desert Essence: This blog very rarely discusses stuff like hygenic products, recipes, or relationship advice. (Watch Oprah for that crap, losers.) But for this post I make exception. That's because this stuff is a miracle product. I bought it at Trader Joe's on a whim. Its made of all those organic ingredients yuppie moms are into these days....stuff like tea tree oil and other unpronounceable plants. At first I doubted it would work, but oh my god you guys it's awesome. It burns a little when you put it on, but that's the best part! I've become addicted to it and I've bought all of this company's products. My face has never been clearer. Thanks Desert Essence!
Gobblegobblegobblegobblegobble!

Cultural Psychics

2008-11-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

Here at the Junk Drawer we are big fans of Dionne Warwick, but I never imagined that we would be able to channel that love into sharing psychic powers with miss D. But, I have solid proof that we are indeed clairvoyant, at least in terms of predicting the cultural movements of popular young adult programming.

That's right readers, months ago, during the MTV VMA's, my esteemed partner and I guessed that Christina Aguilera's single "Keeps Getting Better" would be featured on a Gossip Girl promo, and low and behold, here it be! And it is awesome!

Also; the Britney vs. Christina feud is apparently alive and well;

New Douchey Charles Schwab Ad

2008-11-21T18:39:00.000-08:00

I was having a pretty sweet day today; there was a party at work, I found my favorite clip from "the soup" on youtube, but then I was both alarmed and offended to see that there is a new Charles Schwab spot. I have a deep disdain for the Schwab ad campaign featuring rotoscope animation, and this new endeavor turned the douche level up a couple of notches. Observe:

Is it the smug air this douche exudes by referring to talking to a "website" in a sarcastic manner while wearing a douchey douche shirt, casually unbuttoned to make me hate it? Yes, but not as much as that fucking sailboat in the background. ugh! day ruiner!

Why haven't we posted?

2008-11-17T17:03:00.000-08:00

As my partner mentioned earlier, we haven't posted on this site since the election. A few of you have asked us: what the fuck? Have we used Obama's victory as an excuse to go on a 2 week celebratory bender? Did we fall off a ladder while replacing a light bulb? Are our cats feasting on our rotting carcasses? (Ew I do not own a cat!)

I swear sometimes you readers are so dramatic. But point taken. The truth is these last two weeks we have spent the entirety of our days watching that livestream of a litter of puppies:

We only took a break from doing that to watch this hilarious 6 second clip of Tina Fey in 30 Rock:

So there you have it. Our excuse. Take it or leave it!

Whose Hungry?

2008-11-17T16:35:00.000-08:00

Hey! We haven't updated in OVER a fortnight! Do you know what happens when you live in a fort?

YOU START TO EAT PEOPLE!

I promise I will never repeat this behavior again.

If I do...

Did I mention the movie, "Ravenous" is fucking hilarious?

President Obama

2008-11-04T21:40:00.000-08:00

"Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity, and unyielding hope."

-Barack Obama, 44th President of the United States

Celebrity Dopplegangers Vol. 4

2008-11-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

My colleague, Ms. Dunk, is a big fan of the newest HBO sensation, True Blood, so tonight she convinced me to watch the first two episodes. I should say I am not a big fan of supernatural entertainment (with the exception of Harry Potter), but I actually liked this show very much. Its campy and edgy and it makes me laugh. Although I know absolutely nothing about vampires. Before watching, all I knew is they have fangs and drink blood. But I didn't know why? I still don't think I do. Magic shit confuses me.

Anyhow, two of the characters on the show, Justin (Ryan Kwanten) and Sam (Sam Trammell) look alike. In fact, before I learned their identities I assumed they were playing brothers. But here's the thing you guys: they aren't! Their characters are totally unrelated.

Sam Trammell/Ryan Kwanten

Now before all the nerd fans start freaking out and emailing me about how wrong I am, let me clear the air. I am not saying they are exactly the same. No, but there is a strong resemblance. In other words: they aren't identical twins...but maybe fraternal? Think about it.

The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes, Part Five

2008-11-01T18:52:00.000-07:00

Halloween has come and gone and soon so will this beloved installment of The Junk Drawer. Here they are, the top five.

5. Ann B. Lance

The last time I was in an ambulance I had been in a car accident, lost (and retrieved) my left shoe and observed the general chaos around me. If my ambulatory experience compares to, or is better than that of other's then I think it's pretty safe to say that the whole rescue experience isn't a very sexy one.

4. Border Babe

"With her trusty binoculars, sexy border babe is tracking down illegal aliens while keeping a watchful eye on America's borders." Yup. This costs $54.99.

3. Deer Hunter

Look! It's Stiffler's Mom Goes Camping!

2. Texas Hold 'Em
I don't really know what to say about this one. I mean, do I make a "poker in the rear" joke? No, I can't (even though I sort of just did). But this costume, it's just too unreal for me, what with the fake hands on the boobs and the "hold 'em" title, it is so awful and tacky...and I love it. Like one of my new favorite shows, Kath and Kim, not a lot of people would like this costume, but much like Kath Day, who, in this week's episode insisted on getting a pumpkin carriage for her wedding day, this costume has no shame, and anyone who wears it, is probably a lot of fun.

1. Stud Finder Here it finally is, the most unsexy "sexy" costume as deemed by The Junk Drawer. With it's oversized "man props" and cone breasts, it is so wrong on so many levels. Speaking of which, when will women just let the cone breast thing go? Maybe we can solve this riddle next year, but until then, I hope you all had a great Halloween!

The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes, Part Four

2008-10-30T18:39:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to the countdown, the next batch are some of my all time favorites, so enjoy!

10. Alice in WonderlandOk, so this one isn't really all that awful, but please consider how hilariously woof this model is. Speaking of woofs, I totally plan on listen to "Werewolves of London" on repeat all day tomorrow.

9. Pilgrim

The Pilgrims who landed in Massachusetts in the year 1620 were some of the most straight laced, devoutly religious settlers ever to call America home. They were also famous for punishing those who strayed from the path of righteousness with lashings, hours in the stocks and other forms of public humiliation. Some 388 years later we have this young lady running around town asking strange men if they want to see her Mayflower. Progress!!!!!

8. Willy Wonka Something tells me that whoever decides to dress up as Willy Wonka should get used to hearing this joke; "Hayyyy Willy Wonka! Why don't you Wonka my Willy, UP-TOP!"

7. Care Bear
The Care Bears were a rag tag group of multicolored bears who lived in the clouds and would fight mean people by giving them the "Care Bear Stare." Those wearing this costume on Halloween have a similar power, its called the "Vacant Stare" and it fights boners.

6. SpongeBob Squarepants

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob Hopants.

See you tomorrow for the grand finale!!!

Congrats Philadelphia Phillies!

2008-10-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

In my 22 years as a Philadelphia resident I have never seen one of our major sports teams win a championship...until tonight when the Phillies won the World Series!!!! I am so happy I could eat three pieces of chocolate cake!

Update: I just ate three pieces of chocolate cake.

The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes, Part Three

2008-10-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

"What's in a name?" Juliet bemused. If only she had been around to see these next 5 costumes, which, among other atrocities, contain some of the most ridiculously obvious titles I've seen, otherwise she might have said, "yeah, I guess that pretty much sums it up." But then again, not even Shakespeare is sacred.

15. She's The Bomb

"Da Bomb", a popular saying which reached it's peak of hip ness in the early 1990's has been revived in this costume. Literally translated as a bomb, this ensemble boasts of having "an explosive effect on men" and "having all the men dropping to the floor with your bombshell looks." Just don't let her near Macgruber;

14. Dr Anita HardwonDr. Anita is just like your local pharmacist, complete with scripts for the "blue pill" and "vitamin v", strapped to her belt. Ok, she's not really a pharmacist, she's just a dirty, dirty whore. But at least she has the courtesy to bring her own private party to the yard. Halloween pill candy, yum yum yum.

13. Deviant Housewife
Speaking of dirty hos, Deviant Housewife, hits the self-proclaimed MILF market right where it hurts, adultery. Just so you know, her spatula reads "my husband is out of town" and that paper in her apron is a list of emergency contacts; the pool boy, the milk man, the town sex offender.

12. Koxxx Cable
Man, fuck Time Warner and Verizon Fios, I'm going with Koxxx Cable, all Koxxx all the time.

11. Happy Ending

We come to the end of our third installment with Happy Ending. It's fitting that we finish off these five with Ms. Ending, plus her bottle of lube, er, massage oil is really a purse!

The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes, Part Two

2008-10-27T16:32:00.000-07:00

Food is hot and sex sells, combine the two and you get 5 of the most hilarious sexy costumes evar!

20. Hot Dish Pizza

Insert bad pizza pun....now! It's not delivery, it's DeHOno.

Hot dish captures that exciting moment in a man's life when ordered pizza arrives, but instead of a pimpley faced teen pushing your pepperoni, it's this boobacious babe. And she comes with her own coupons! What man wouldn't want to be with "hot dish" forever? That's the kind of love I want in my life.

19. Vinyard Vixen

Eating is a multi-sensory activity, which can be highly pleasurable to people if given the right conditions and right foodstuffs. So it only makes sense that there be food related "sexy" Halloween costumes, right? I mean, who doesn't want to nail an empty bottle of wine? Don't knock it until you've tried it.

18. Cosmo
Please, do correct me if I'm wrong on this, but assuming that getting laid factors into the decision to purchase a $50 dollar costume, then why would anyone choose to be the gayest drink ever invented? Unless this costume is serving as some kind of defacto gaydar, then I don't think it's best to design your guise around something made popular via a show about 4 old hags who can't find husbands. I should also mention this is available in pink (shown), blue or green.

17. Sexbucks Barista

When I heard the news that Starbucks was hurting from the failing economy, I instantly though of the welfare of my favorite barista. Luckily, she works at SEXbucks, so, phew. I really love innuendo, especially if it's about jizz, and this costume really opens the door for a slew of them; "I'll take mine extra hot, hold the foam," "do i have cream on my face?" etc. Thanks a latte, I'll be here all week.

16. Sloth Yeah, that's a remote holster, jealous?

There is nothing hotter than eating all day, sitting around in tattered pajamas and watching Paula's Party, nothing!

PART THREE TOMORROW YA'LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes, Part One

2008-10-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

Halloween is at the end of the week, and I'm totally psyched. All Hallow's Eve is a people pleasing holiday; children love it because they get free candy and adults love it because there is nothing as thrilling as getting wasted in costume. Since all my modern wisdom is derived from the movie, Mean Girls, I also know that Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like total sluts and no other girls can say anything about it. This leads me to a confession, I have literally spent hours combing costume warehouse websites looking for the funniest, "sexy" Halloween costumes I could find. The search for clever ho suits has ended and the results are in! So in honor of my favorite holiday I present Part One (of FIVE!) of The Most Unsexy "Sexy" Halloween Costumes.

25. Ella Mental

The product description for this mental patient costume reads, "Even when over medicated, this patient is tons of fun!" I can see the humor in dressing up a crazy broad (Tyra!) in a straight jacket since it's perfect for femmes who are aware they are bat shit insane. But, aside from the obvious bondage references, Ella Mental fails because of the constant arm crossing involved in keeping the costume believable. Who wants to do that? For instance, I always make sure that my costumes involve holding a beverage as a prop.

24. Vegas Vixen

For those who have spouses with gambling addiction? Vegas Vixen is a bad costume because it has way too many trinkets hanging off of it; dollar bills, dice, card bodice, rabbit ear, clover, arm warmers? Plus, I hate that stupid hat. What happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas. Bada Bing!

23. Garden Ho

Many Halloween costumes for adults are paired with a companion costume for one's significant other to don. Garden Ho's suggested companion, A GIANT FUCKING CARROT. Plus, the description for Garden Ho makes multiple references to "flower" and "her garden", which, vagina, is total, vagina, overkill. Vagina.

22. Go Green Girl

Go Green Girl would be pretty funny if it were actually about going green, but instead it's about "recycling boys" and how "all the bad ones go in the dump." This costume is really for those who love wearing sexy t-shirts with sayings on them. Be strong! Be independent! Be nasty! Oh, and be a moron.

21. Sexy Judge

Not only is the creepy powdered wig totally un-sexy but try getting this

out of your mind when you go to "hit that" sexy magistrate.

PART 2 TOMORROW!

Happy Birthday Kevin Kline!

2008-10-24T21:10:00.000-07:00

Kevin Kline is probably my favorite actor of all time. My colleague, Ms. Dunk, would tell you that I talk about him or his movies ALL THE TIME, like probably everyday. For instance, here are 2 examples of hypothetical conversations we've had in the recent past:

Her: Sarah Palin's VP nomination proves that literally any jackass could be president.
Me: Well, if you've seen the movie Dave starring Kevin Kline then you would know that all it takes is common sense...any person off the street could probably do it. And please, do not misunderstand me: this is not a statement of support for Palin...that woman is a dumb ass.

OR

Her: Do you think Italian or French is the more romantic language?
Me: I don't care. But Jamie Lee Curtis' character in A Fish Called Wanda would definitely say Italian since she and her vagina freak the fuck out whenever Kevin Kline's character speaks Italian to her.

So of course I have to extend my happiest wishes to Mr. Kline on his 61st birthday. Keep those awesome movies coming Kev!

(And if you think its weird that hes my favorite actor--since I am 22 and he is 61, and most of his best movies were made before I could tell the difference--then you need to get the hell off my blog!)

Here is the funniest clip from his hilarious Oscar-winning performance in A Fish Called Wanda:

What should I be for Halloween?

2008-10-23T21:06:00.000-07:00

Halloween is soon, you guys! I have no idea what I am going to dress up as for the party I am invited to. I do have a few ideas so let me know what you think. I'm desperate:

1. One of the dudes from Gossip Girl (I have the tie)
2. A mailman (I have a uniform, including mailbag that I can use for candy dispensing)
3. Chas from The Royal Tennenbaums (I have the fro)
4. Andy Warhol (I have a silver wig and black shit to wear)

I really need to get my act together. Even my dog knows what he is dressing up as this year. He's going to be Beyonce as Etta James in the upcoming movie Cadillac Records.

Ed. note: I am sorry that this site is increasingly becoming a blog about anthropomorphic dogs. I just can't help myself sometimes.

Yours truly for President!!

2008-10-14T20:47:00.000-07:00

A reader has brought to my attention that some sweet ass website called 80stees.com has made a T-shirt promoting me for President of the USA. How weird. I know that this blog is doing pretty well in terms of readership, hitcounts, and what have you, but isn't it a little early for a presidential campaign? Shouldn't we wait until I've created an Oprah-like media empire and have won the crucial soccer mom vote? Or at least until I turn 35 in 13 years?

Vote for me in 2024!

T.I. is a mutant hit making machine

2008-10-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

By Alex P. Keaton

A few years ago I observed a very heated argument between a couple of avid hip-hop fans about a controversial issue: "Is T.I. actually the King of the South?" At the time I only knew one of his songs, "Bring Em Out," which is what the assclown cheerleaders at my college danced to at basketball games. I associated the song with contrived, grizzly smiles and spirit fingers. So when asked where I sided in the debate my response was: "Blehh."

But that was a few years ago. If that same debate happened today, or more specifically in the past 20 minutes (since I've been listening to him on repeat), I would have proclaimed astoundingly: YES T.I. IS THE MOTHERFUCKING KING OF THE SOUTH!

To support my argument I offer three pieces of evidence in the form of incredibly addictive hit singles:

1. "Live Your Life" feat. Rihanna:

2. "Whatever You Like":

3. "I'll Be Loving You Long Time" by Mariah Carey feat. T.I.

I dare you not to love each of this songs. In fact if you don't I am willing to bet you may be brain dead, an elderly Scrooge type, or deaf. I will allow you some time for "Live Your Life" to grow on you. Its a bit much at first with its sample of the Numa Numa song and all. I for one didn't realize how great the song was until I heard it at the bar when I was drunk. All of a sudden my feet were dancing without my brain telling them to. T.I. creates out of body experiences, he's that good.

Also, he and I share the same birthday so my love for his music was fated by the stars!!

I Like Halloween, But I Don't. Like. Candy Corn!

2008-10-13T17:31:00.001-07:00

By Slamm D.

Back during the Great Depression there wasn't enough money to make good candy, so they made one large batch of candy corn, and have been trying to get rid of it ever since. Fans of candy corn contend that it is a Halloween tradition, and that the "little triangular chunks of colorful goodness" are "mmm." Whether your relationship with candy corn is as friendly as tolerance or ranges all the way to full fledged hate, the consensus is that candy corn is pretty gross. And in some instances, sort of creepy:

Recently, I was attempting to choose my On Demand programing when I heard a delightful song about disliking candy corn. Not only is it awesome, it sums up my feelings on Candy Corn well. I don't hate candy corn, I just don't like it.

This Week In Junk

2008-10-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

by S. Dunk

I hate having a job. Waking up early sucks. I have to prepare my lunch the night before, and I always hate what I wanted the night before. Seriously, how can I predict what my fickle tastes will want more than 12 hours later? The absolute worst thing about having a job, is that I can't sit around blogging all day. So, without further ado, here are some things I've been wanting to share.

A Scanner Douchely

Rotoscoping is animation which takes regularly filmed, live action shots and traces it over frame by frame. The technique was invented almost 100 years ago, but is mostly known for being the animation type used in the film, A Scanner Darkly. Capitalizing on this trend, Charles Schwab's recent media campaign features rotoscoping over live shots of the biggest douchebags to ever walk this earth. Whether it's standing in line for overpriced coffee, complaining about the inpersonal relationship they share with their stock broker, or watching junior's baseball game whilst praising the trust they have with their financial analyst, these ads could not be any more douche filled, and I fucking hate them.

Please, a sample:

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas...ON MARS!

This week the Mars rover turned its laser beam eye toward the sky and saw an unusual sight, snowflakes. Researchers now believe that Martian winters are full of light snowfall, which makes them all excited for the eventual colonization of Mars once we fuck up Earth enough to ditch it. When I read this news, all I could picture was this sad little robot, zipping around Mars all by himself, looking up and seeing snow. The Junk Drawer is rooting for you, little rover-bot!

The next mission will come with mittens

The Place To Be: Marino, Italy

This past week in the small village of Marino, Italy, residents turned on their water faucets to fill pots for pasta making and to their delight, out sprang wine! "Miracolo" was heard throughout the streets between the sound of residents putting their mouths under their taps and gurgling. What happened was, the wine, which was supposed to spill from a fountain in the town square for a grape festival, was diverted through faulty plumbing (insert Mario joke...now).

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY!

Iconoclasts

2008-10-11T12:44:00.000-07:00

Today I was flipping through a magazine while waiting to get a haircut when I came across a multi-page advertisement for the show Iconoclasts on the Sundance Network. I had never even heard of this show, which is entering its 4th season, but after some research I discovered it pairs up two celebrities who then spend a day together discussing each other's work and lives. I'm usually a sucker for these kinds of shows: A&E Biography, E! True Hollywood Story, the Barbara Walters' Oscar Special, etc. But there is just something about Iconoclasts that irks me. Maybe its the fact that the half of the people featured on the show are not actually iconoclasts.

Dictionary.com lists an iconoclast as: "a person who attacks cherished beliefs, traditional institutions, etc." Loosely I define it as someone who challenges conventions and changes the way people look at the world--for better or worse. Some good natured iconoclasts who come to mind immediately are Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, and Martin Luther King.

People who do NOT come to mind when I think of iconoclasts are Cameron Diaz, Jon Favreau, Renee Zelwegger, Alicia Keys, or Mike Myers. But I suppose the Sundance Channel disagrees since they were all chosen for the show.

These choices would be fine if the show was called "Wealthy Celebrities" or "Talented People Who Make Hit or Miss Career Choices" or "Famous People Who Promote Charities On Oprah." But Iconoclasts? No way. Tell me, what is iconoclastic about appearing in a movie called What Happens in Vegas or playing piano and singing at the same time? Nothing. Jon Favreau is maybe a bit iconoclastic in that he challenged the notion that all superhero movies must suck when he directed (what I am told) was a pretty good film for the genre, Ironman.

Just kidding, I did hear of this show before! I heard about it from this SNL sketch making fun of it. I just forgot until now! Kristen Wiig as Bjork is so hilarious. And for the record, I believe iconoclastic is an accurate adjective for which to describe her, along with visionary, creative, and fucking insane.

I'm stupid: Bad, Bad Leroy Brown

2008-10-06T20:42:00.000-07:00

This summer I read a book by Rob Sheffield called "Love is a Mix Tape." In general it was a pretty good book about loss and love. The author's wife dies unexpectedly and he discusses how they were connected by music. There is this one part where he talks about how his wife would ask him these really mind-blowing questions about music like (and I paraphrase): What if Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown were a woman? (Referring, of course, to classic song of the same name by Jim Croce).

This question on the gender of Leroy Brown was mind blowing to me as well. But only because I've never actually assigned a particular gender to this character. Rather I just imagined Leroy to be a cartoon wolf. Something like this Disney version below.

Is that you, Leroy?

Listening to the lyrics, there is no good reason for me to think it's about a wolf. I am just really weird. What's more, I only imagine Leroy to be a wolf but not the other characters in the song he interacts with, such as Doris. I totally imagine her to be a human interacting with an anthropomorphic animal like in "Little Red Riding Hood" or the Paula Abdul video for "Opposites Attract." What is wrong with me?

So I guess the title of the post should be "I'm weird" rather than I'm stupid...but I'm still kinda stupid so whatever.

DVD Club, Vol. 2

2008-10-06T18:14:00.000-07:00

As promised in this installment of the DVD Club I will review Control and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Both were fantastic films that I've wanted to see since they came out.

Control

Of all the recent biopics of deceased musicians, this is definitely the coolest I've seen. It tells the story of Ian Curtis, lead singer of the band Joy Division who committed suicide at the age of 23. It shows his troubles with relationships, his health (he was an epileptic), and his sudden rise to fame. I must admit I was not very familiar with the band before watching the film. I liked the 2 or 3 songs I knew by them ("Love Will Tear Us Apart" being the most famous) but wouldn't call myself a fan.

So my main reason for seeing the film was the acclaim it received from critics--which proved to be warranted. It was beautifully shot in black and white. The director, Anton Corbijn, is a famous rock photographer which is especially evident during the quiet, lingering shots of Curtis. Samantha Morton is brilliant as Curtis' loyal wife. I love her and think she is beautiful in an unconventional way.

I would like to say that Sam Riley, the actor who plays Curtis, really captured the singer's essence. But since I wasn't even alive when Curtis died and (as stated) don't know that much about him, I can't really do that. However, I will say that his depiction of a lonely young man struggling through life and love was absolutely compelling and utterly enthralling.

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

In other beautifully depressing films, I also rented The Diving Bell and the Butterfly (Le Scaphandre et le papillon for you French speakers...big up to our readers in France!). This tells the true story of former French Elle editor-in-chief, Jean Dominique Bauby, who after having a stroke suffers from "locked in syndrome" a condition that leaves him completely paralyzed minus his left eye. Despite his vegetable like physical state, he remains fully cognizant with a mind as sharp as ever. To communicate his therapist develops a system where he blinks as she recites the alphabet (I don't feel like explaining it, watch the film!). Eventually he authors an entire book through the blinking system. Imagine that.

This film is meant to inspire, but not in the 'man beats the odds, overcomes adversity' way that has become so formulaic. It inspires by showing how one man finds beauty in life at a time when it is most inconceivable. He finds it through vision, memories, imagination, family, ideas, and words. And the director Julian Schnabel, famous artist and Oscar nominee, captures this beauty remarkably. The camera takes on different perspectives--a first person angle through the eyes of Bauby complete with blinking really brings home the message. This is one of the most moving films I've seen in a long time.

It also reminded me of one of my favorite books, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo, which is about a disabled WWI soldier suffering from locked in syndrome. The flashbacks, the stream of consciousness, the struggle to communicate. They're all there. I would recommend it to anyone who likes this movie, or in general to anyone who wants to read a good book.

Lesson learned from this weeks installment: when an artist makes a film, its probably going to turn out pretty fantastic. Next time I review John Adams (miniseries) and Pollock.

Porno Sarah Palin more eloquent than actual Sarah Palin

2008-10-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

Hustler has recently announced their new adult film, Nailin' Paylin, a porn biopic about Governor Sarah Palin. TMZ caught up with the actress, Lisa Ann (below), who is going to portray the Alaskan governor. Let me say she interviews a lot better than the actual V.P. candidate. Video here.

TMZ also reports: "The faux Sarah is Lisa Ann, who 'will be nailing the Russians who come knocking on her back-door.' In another scene -- a flashback -- 'young Paylin's creationist college professor will explain a 'big bang' theory even she can't deny!' There's also a threeway with Hillary and Condoleezza look-alikes."

I smell an Academy Award, we all know how they love biopics. Lisa Ann for Vice President!!

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things: September Edish

2008-10-05T20:19:00.000-07:00

September is truly a unique month, the temperature dips and the seasons officially change hands. For those who live in the northern hemisphere, the days grow shorter, and we turn to more inward activities. Popcorn fanfare is replaced with deeper movies, television returns to fill our darker evenings and tans begin to fade. I always cling to the last days of summer, I try to stay barefoot, I swim in freezing water and I take my meals outside. But it all eventually turns, as the lush trees of my neighborhood slowly take on electric hues of yellow, orange and red, seemingly warning me to stop pretending. September is a pretty melancholic month, but hey, it's still pretty great.

NY Fashion Week

A part of my annual stagnation in submitting to colder weather is NY Fashion Week. In early September, dozens of American designers debut their Spring collections. For months afterwards I pine over these breezy, soft and light creations. Whenever I get bummed about having to wear wool socks, boots, leggins, pants, 2 shirts, 1 sweater, a coat, mittens, scarves and hats this winter, I know I will refer back to the hippie gauze of Dianne Von Furstenburg's and Anna Sui's spring 2009 collections or the sizzling brights of Nanette Lepore. Plus, laughing at funny looking models will warm my heart until the winter thaws.

I want a bun hat, I want a bun hat now!!!

The Return of Beer

Everyone likes a cold one, and I understand that beer is definitely not a seasonal treat, but I really feel that beer reaches its apex of greatness in September. The chill in the air helps it stay cold and refreshing while flare ups in temperature keep it relevant. Beginning with Labor Day and the return of the collegiate party scene, beer lasts through the kick off of the American football season and keeps churning out the goodness. I enjoyed a bunch of beers in September, my favorites being enjoyed with a good friend, along the bike path of Central Park, paper bag style, against a tree, gawking a spandex clad cyclists.

The Apocalypse

I love a good doomsday scenario, and September has not let me down. Starting with the launch of the Large Hadron Collider, the particle accelerator which lies on the border of Switzerland and France, it is the largest man made object to date and has people totally freaking outttt. The fear is that the machinery will create tiny black holes which in time, will suck all of human existence into nothingness. Brian Cox, one of the lead physicists of the LHC said "Anyone who thinks that the LHC will destroy the world is a twat." I can't really argue with any scientist, let alone one who uses the word 'twat' in such a brilliant way, so I'm going to have to side with the thought that this machine won't pose any harm to the human race. On the flip side of the September apocalypse is the Wall Street financial crisis, which is probably the second most thing we're obsessed with on this blog, right after Sarah Palin, of course. A black hole sucking humanity into oblivion doesn't seem so bad when there are former wall street executives selling their gay virginity online to make some extra cash.

Twat

Erykah Badu and M. Ward

I have never been shy about my love for Erykah Badu, in fact, I've said on multiple occasions that I would love to be her. I love the way she looks, how she dresses, and above all her voice. I also love that she is totally anti establishment. My latest Badu obsession is her song "The Healer" a surrealist vision of the state of hip hop, technology and humanity. With lyrics like, "Told you we aint dead yet/we been livin' through your internet/you don't have to believe everything you think/we've been programmed wake up, we miss you." While millions of voters are calling for change across the country, Erykah incorporates the growing revolutionary tone of the American landscape with her Rastafarian influences, in a cool tongue-in-cheek way that only she can pull off.

Can I be her, please?

Lastly is M. Ward. One morning during my commute to work, as I drove alongside the green landscape, one of my favorite M. Ward songs came on, it reminded me of the adorable music video which goes along with it and I wanted to share:

I need to start watching David Letterman more often!

2008-10-01T11:43:00.001-07:00

I've never been a huge Late Show fan. I only watch it every now and then, usually when someone good is the guest, like Amy Sedaris. Its not that I dislike the show cause I usually enjoy it when I see it. I have even been in the live audience of a couple episodes when I was in college, mostly because my roommate got tickets. I just have never connected with the show that much as to become a die-hard-watch-every-night kinda guy.

But recently Dave has become my favorite talk show host because of the way he blatantly and irreverently discusses issues that are somewhat controversial--especially to the guest hes interviewing. Like awhile back when he grilled an uncomfortable Paris Hilton about her jail stint. Even when she said she didn't want to talk about it anymore, Dave replied: "This is where you and I are different because this is all I want to talk about." I'm pretty much obsessed with this clip so its worth reproducing on this blog right now:

Dave was at it again last night when he questioned Anne Hathaway about former boyfriend and current prison inmate Raffaelo Follieri who is in jail for a bunch of shady crap including faking a friendship with the Pope!

Call me an asshole, but I do not feel bad for these people at all (well maybe Anne a little bit, but ehh). Someone needs to call them out and I am glad Dave has dutifully taken up this cause.

DVD Club, Vol. 1

2008-09-28T23:28:00.000-07:00

Today I found 2 Blockbuster gift cards worth $20 hiding in my junk drawer (the title of our blog, how poetic!). And seeing as today's weather was a complete washout I decided to indulge myself with a movie rental fiesta. I got 4 movies in all and watched the first two today. Here are the highlights.

1. Lars and the Real Girl: I have wanted to see this movie for a long time now. Well I guess not that long since it only came out...well, not that long ago. Anyway, I finally watched it and it totally exceeded my expectations. I thought it was going to be a quirky comedy about a delusional dude and a blow up doll. It was so much more! I want to live in this weird town where everyone is friends and willing to help a fellow townsman sort out his peccadilloes. PLUS check out all the great sweaters you guys!!!!!!!

2. Sex and the City: I've heard only bad things about this movie and I wasn't really dying to see it. In a word: eh. But then when I entered Blockbuster I was bombarded with all these SATC posters and promotional crap. Plus I did have those gift cards so it would be like renting a movie for free. I guess you could say my curiosity got the best of me.

Well friends...if curiosity killed the cat, in this case, satisfaction definitely did NOT bring it back (Didn't that sound like something Carrie would say?? Zing!). This movie sucked so bad. First, it was like 2 hours way too long. It felt like I watched an entire season of the show in one sitting. Second, how many montages do you really need in one movie? There was this one montage set to "Auld Lang Syne" sung by some Joni Mitchell type singer in its entirety. I seriously wanted to drown myself in the toilet. Last, there were so many times when I thought to myself: "What in the hell?"

Like the time when Charlotte...

shits herself! <--highlight here to see what she does. Warning: spoiler alert!

Or the time that Miranda stood next to a painting of a penis:

I'm not one of those people who giggles at nudity in art. But something about the juxtapostion of the face of real life lesbian, Cynthia Nixon, and a penis is funny to me. It's just so blantant.

Tomorrow (or sometime before my rentals are due) on the DVD Club: Control and The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.

I'm stupid: excitement causes me to eat paper

2008-09-28T16:36:00.000-07:00

Tonight my friend called me to share news that she spotted Maggie Gyllenhaal walking around Brooklyn. I get really excited by celebrity sightings so when I was talking to her I was not paying any attention to the Chinese food I was also eating. As she went on about this exciting news, I haphazardly cracked open a fortune cookie and began chewing half. Right away it tasted and felt weird. There was something odd about this fortune cookie but I wasn't sure what.

Next I went to read my fortune but, much to my dismay, only half the slip of paper was there. Crap, half a fortune? That has got to be bad luck, I thought. Was my fortune defective? Am I doomed for eternity?

Then it hit me, my cookie did in fact come with a full fortune, I just somehow managed to rip the paper in half when I absent mindedly opened it. And I didn't notice but I put the other half in my mouth as I savagely feasted on the cookie. So the reason it tasted and felt so weird was because I was chewing paper! I'm so stupid!

It kinda reminded me of eating those candy buttons as a child. The paper would stick to the back of the candy but you didn't notice until it was already in your mouth. Remember that, anyone? I sure hope so or else I am starting to fear I have some sort of unintentional Pica Disorder.

Sarah Palin confuses Jurassic Park with real life

2008-09-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

When I woke up this morning, I thought to myself: "Please, please, please, please let there be some funny Sarah Palin news today." It would just be the icing on the cake which was my great weekend (which included a birthday party and the Phillies advancing to the playoffs). I knew there would be many articles circulating about her, but I was hoping for something completely batshit. Something like Sarah doesn't believe in electricity or she thinks sugar is the creation of the devil. Something really hilarious.

So imagine my delight when after only 1 minute of searching the Huffington Post (naturally I went there first for the Palin dirt) I was greeted by the headline: "Palin Claimed Dinosaurs and People Coexisted." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry I just had to do that. Fuck, I love her so much.

The HuffPost story briefs a piece that was in today's LA Times. The story tells how Palin reportedly told a local music teacher: "dinosaurs and humans walked the Earth at the same time" and "she had seen pictures of human footprints inside the tracks."

Sarah, hunny, Jurassic Park wasn't real. It was make-believe. Its okay though, Steven Spielberg is a really convincing director. Honest mistake.

John McCain Is Totally Freaking Me Out

2008-09-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, I'm currently watching the Presidential Debate (wait, the war didn't start in 2007?), and it's getting pretty catty. So much so that I am physically suppressing myself from making kitty pictures on photoshop. There is definitely one thing that is making it really hard for me to watch these debates, because my brother just brought to light something that I had never noticed before:

JOHN MCCAIN BLINKS A LOT!!!!!!

It is really distracting and creepy.

P.S. John McCain, stop referring to yourself as Miss Congeniality!

ALSO,

MCCAIN VISION:

This is better than political coverage

2008-09-26T00:26:00.000-07:00

During election years or times of economic crisis I feel pressured to constantly be watching CNN or at least following some sort of news. If you don't watch the news tonight, you will miss out on all the funny Sarah Palin jokes everyone is talking about tomorrow. Must. Stay. Informed. At. All. Times.

But really, all I wanna do is watch videos of Mya circa 2000. So fuck it:

mya ft jadakiss THE BEST OF ME
Uploaded by covik

I Know He's Going To Kill Me For This One...

2008-09-25T19:51:00.000-07:00

...But today is my co-blogger and best friend's birthday! So in lieu of dragging him out to a chain restaurant and forcing the staff to sing to him a strange company specific birthday song (did you guys know the "happy birthday" song is copyrighted and therefore cannot be used without paying a royalty?), this is my birthday salute to him.

Now, I know he's going to yell at me for not catering to our audience on this post but, I don't care! Suck it readers! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Also, I posted that video before I even watched it and the irony of Alex getting busted for drinking is bowling me over. Do you think his mom issued him an underage?

Celebrity Dopplegangers Vol. 3

2008-09-24T14:00:00.001-07:00

Today I was driving when I heard the new Katy Perry song, "Hot N Cold." I am a little embarrassed to admit this...but I kinda like it. Its so darn catchy. Even with the lyric: "You PMS like a bitch, I would know." I don't really know much about Katy Perry except she seems like some gimmicky pop singer who tries to be controversial. She sings about kissing girls and chap stick, etc. So to learn more about her I did a little internet research and the first thing I learned is that she looks exactly like actress/singer Zooey Deschanel. In fact when I googled both their names at once yielding a mixed photo search, I couldn't even tell them apart in the thumbnails. And then I was thinking about it even more and it hit me that she also looks like British actress Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears Prada).

Zooey Deschanel/Katy Perry

Dude, I can't even tell them apart right here and I made this photo!

Katy Perry/Emily Blunt

Same hair same pose!

Watch out Hollywood starlets, Katy Perry has arrived and shes going to steal your look (or maybe try and make out with you).

I'm cool...Gossip Girl tells me so

2008-09-23T22:17:00.000-07:00

I am not usually one of those people who obsesses over their cell phone. I was one of the last of my friends to get one. I didn't start text messaging until this year. And I don't really care about the design or look of my device. So a few months ago when I was due for an upgrade, I simply consulted the Verizon webpage and selected the most expensive phone that was still free with instant rebate. I didn't pay attention to the name of the phone or anything stupid like that. All I knew was that it had one of those flip keyboards handy for texting. So you can imagine how surprised I was that as soon as I started using it in public I began getting compliments: "Is that the enV2?!" "OMG I am so enVious of your phone!" "Holy crap, can I hold your phone for just 1 second? I think the hawtness of your phone will be transferred to me via osmosis."

Needless to say, owning this phone made me feel pretty cool considering all of the nice things people were saying. It felt nice, but tonight I received the ultimate compliment a la product placement on one of my favorite shows Gossip Girl. Yes, Blair Waldorf and I have the same phone! Check it out, you guys:

See that! That's my phone in maroon: photographic proof that I am cool, hip, and keeping up with the youths! EnVious?

Ghost Town

2008-09-23T21:25:00.000-07:00

Have you seen the previews for the new movie Ghost Town. Did you maybe think, "Hmm this doesn't look that funny" or "I think I've seen this before?" or "Ehh." Well stop just stop thinking all together because you are wrong! This movie was really good. And you can trust me because I too was a doubter. In fact the only reason why I even saw it was because I was talked into it. But I am so glad I did.

I don't feel like providing a synopsis (this is not that kind of blog, alright?). But lets just say this movie combines the "I see dead people" aspect of The Sixth Sense with the heartwarming, reflect back on one's life, charm of Its A Wonderful Life and the subtle romance of The Office (think Jim and Pam season one). Plus its genuinely funny, providing both cheap laughs (people getting hit by buses) and nuanced humor. Ricky Gervais and Tea Leoni's interactions are comical in a very normal way, as if they weren't in a movie. Their conversations aren't too clever, just two ordinary people peppering their regular talks with jokes. Just one of these regular people happens to see dead people.

A Meditation on the Speed Limit

2008-09-23T17:05:00.001-07:00

I just watched a really great short subject documentary at SnagFilms--a site which, as you may know, I absolutely love. The film is called "55: A Meditation on the Speed Limit" and it shows a group of cohorts who all drive side-by-side down a multi-lane highway going exactly the speed limit (55 mph). Since they are taking up every lane, no cars are able to pass them. As can be expected, what ensues is a congestion as far as the eye can see.

Its only 5 minutes long so check it out below:

Now I don't think the makers of the film are advocating reckless driving. And neither am I since you can usually find me in the right most lane going below the limit. But it is interesting to find out what happens when everyone is forced to follow the law: a breakdown in the system. You have to ask, is the system flawed? Or are speed limits meant to be loosely followed in order to serve their purpose? Should speed limits be considered open for interpretation? Or perhaps because we live in a fast paced society, this only appears to be a traffic jam--but really its just a bunch of cars that happen to be clustered together but are still going pretty fast (55 mph isn't that slow after all).

Alright I'm done playing philosopher. But next time you find yourself pulled over by a cop for speeding, try citing this film instead of crying or making up a fake emergency as an excuse.

Celebrity Dopplegangers Vol. 2

2008-09-22T21:53:00.000-07:00

As my partner so ingeniously pointed out, it seems that every single person in the world has a doppleganger. I know that I do. Mine is a black woman who was a legendary decathlete in the 80s. (It's true that I am a white male, but if you knew what I looked like then you wouldn't think its odd. Trust me.) So anyway, in my partner's post she has pointed out three different pairs of celebrity dopplegangers. But with over 6.6 billion people in the world, this list certainly is not complete. Rather it is a work in progress as there are plenty more celebrity pairings where these came from. Thus we have the newest feature on our blog!

Tucker Bounds/Peter Krause

In the past few weeks I've watched John McCain's spokesperson, the youthful Tucker Bounds, get absolutely served on several major news networks. Campbell Brown of CNN tore him a new one during an interview. How he still has his job is truly beyond me. While I was watching these gruesome wrestling matches, I couldn't help but notice he looks like the dude from Six Feet Under, Peter Krause. I quickly forgot about it until I was in the Subway in NYC this weekend and saw a poster of Peter promoting the show Dirty Sexy Money. I was instantly reminded.

Coincidence or twins separated at birth?

Ring ring ring...Banana Phone!

2008-09-22T19:36:00.000-07:00

My birthday is this week and I haven't been shy about my desire for presents. So I was quite thrilled to receive the first (of hopefully many) gifts this weekend. A good friend bought me this very awesome banana phone from PerpetualKid.com.

Isn't this awesome you guys? You just squeeze your cell into the banana and enjoy. Its both stylish and practical. Be careful not to eat it. Although it looks delicious its actually rubber and not edible. When I become president, all phones will be of the banana variety.

Also, I'd never heard of this website before so I checked it out. Its full of lots of fun novelty items for the dorky child in all of us. My personal favorites happen to be the zany clocks they carry. Like there is this one that is a melting clock in the style of Salvador Dali which is both artsy and clever:

Next is a clock that I would probably put up in my place of employment, since whenever I am at work I am pretty much like: "Oh man that deadline passed already? Ohhh well...fuck it!"

And finally there is this really nerdy clock that uses formulas that equal the different times on the clock. I probably wouldn't want this for my own house, but if I was a math teacher you know I would buy it in a heart beat. I say that as an almost 22 year old but I know if I were 14 and one of my own teachers had this I would say, "Wow this teacher is such a loser!"

Alright gotta go, my banana phone is ringing!

Doppelgangers

2008-09-22T18:14:00.001-07:00

Recently, while attending a party I overheard a conversation between two philosophical drunkards discussing the existing of a parallel universe in which everything is exactly the same as in the universe we inhabit, except just all opposite, as if flipped in a mirror. Usually these types of cliche conversations enduce a roll eye on my part, since not only is such a universe non existent, but socratic drunks are the worst, especially if they find a kindred spirit to chat up. This time though, they reminded me that not only is there no parallel universe, but the reality of time and space is much more bizarro since I am utterly convinced this earth is chock full of double entities. This is our tribute to natural duplication; we at the Junk Drawer give you:

Doppelgangers

Tucker Carlson/Michael Cassidy

-vs-

Tucker Carlson, most famous for wearing bow ties and being raped on air by Jon Stewart bears a striking resemblance to Michael Cassidy, best known for his role in The O.C. as boyfriend of Summer Robers who wasn't Seth Cohen. Coincidentally, reading Michael Cassidy's Wikipedia shows that he played the clone of Lex Luther on the WB's Smallville. Perhaps instead of a maniacal villian, Michael Cassidy is the genetic investment of a lame political pundit/dancing with the stars contestant.

Nick Jonas/Hallie Kate Eisenberg

-vs-

While searching for great commercials a few weeks ago, I came across an old Pepsi commercial from not so way back when. It starred that Pepsi Girl, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, who I remembered as being that annoying little pretentious kid who wrote a screenplay, which thankfully never saw the light of day. It then struck me that she looks exactly like the youngest Jo Bro, Nick.

Javier Bardem/Jeffrey Dean Morgan

-vs-

Jeffrey Dean Morgan looks so much like Javier Bardem that I'm pretty sure he's duped a lot of people into thinking that Javier Bardem not only has spotty taste in film roles but in the women he dates.

They look so much alike that it's compelling me to write a screenplay in which they play long lost relatives thrown together by happenstance and peppered with misfortune and xenophobic humor. Think Perfect Strangers meets Twins. You might think that Javier would so be above this idea, but he was in a film where he beat a guy to death with a slab of ham. Seriously.

Top 5 Movies featuring Sweaters as Prominent Wardrobe Components

2008-09-18T09:42:00.001-07:00

We've been quite serious on this blog lately publishing several think pieces on both the election and the failing economy. Which is great. I love discussing issues and muckraking as much as anyone...more even! But today I wanted to take a break from our foray into current affairs, by talking about something a little less serious but equally important: sweaters! With fall arriving soon, the weather is getting cooler (or at least it is where I live) and its time to trade in your Hawaiian short/shirt sets and belly shirts for my most favorite piece of woven wardrobe glory. To get excited about this, let's discuss some of my favorite movies featuring prominent sweater donning. (For insight into my favorite types of sweaters please refer to this older post about my upcoming b-day).

5. Dan in Real Life: The best place to wear sweaters is New England which is where this film takes place. The characters even wear them during a controversial* family aerobics scene on the front lawn of the house. I wish I could work out while wearing a sweater, but when I exercise I sweat like a whore in a church. Adding wool to my workout doesn't seem smart.
*This scene is controversial between me and my partner, Ms. Dunk. She thinks its pathetic while I think its great. I will agree its corny, but maybe so corny its endearing? Plus that Earth, Wind, and Fire song in the background is my jam.

4. Margot at the Wedding: Jennifer Jason Leigh's voice gives me the creeps because whenever I hear it I immediately think of the movie "Single White Female" and how crazy her character was. So for me the quirky comedy "Margot at the Wedding" took on this weird horror film vibe. Whenever she was on screen, I tried to ignore her voice and just concentrate on her amazing wardrobe. I concentrated so much on each sweater she wore, it was like they were characters in the movie. The one pictured below should have been nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar cause its great.

3. Home Alone: Main character Kevin McAlister wears many sweaters throughout the film making him one sharply dressed young man. I'm impressed by his motivation to look presentable even without his parents telling him how to dress. I think when I was his age I would just wear my X-Men pajamas all day if no one told me to change. The photo below is not a great photo of his sweater, but look at that gem of a hat!

2. Harry Potter: Harry received a sweater with an H on it as a Christmas present from his best friend Ron's mom. Since they are a poor family she knits each of her many children the same thing every year, and if I am not mistaken Ron acts like a brat because its not cool enough. Well fuck you, Ron! 1. You are a wizard, can't you just make a cooler toy appear out of thin air or just do sweet ass magic tricks for fun? 2. I would KILL for a sweater with my first initial on it! Kill! I'm talking murder in the first degree. That sweater puts bad thoughts in my head. He doesn't know how lucky he is to have such an adept knitter for a mum.

1. The Family Stone: I could watch this movie everyday if I wanted to because I love it so much. However many of my friends have complained to me that it sucked. They can't understand why I recommended it. To which I respond, "Wait you did notice all the great sweaters, right? And you still didn't like it?" People are such freaks!

A Great American Riddle

2008-09-17T20:42:00.000-07:00

What does this man:

This woman:

and this er...person:

all have in common?

Well if they are all part of the 138 million, estimated U.S. taxpayers, then they own about $615 worth of AIG.

See you in the bread line!

Is Sarah Palin tanorexic?

2008-09-16T03:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, US Weekly reported that Sarah Palin had bought a tanning bed for the Alaska Governor's Mansion (using her own money of course). Apparently installing such a luxury item can cost up to $35,000--a hefty price tag for someone who claims to be your "average hockey mom."

Here at The Junk Drawer we are very excited about this gossip. Like we said before, we are obsessed with Sarah Palin and all the stupid stuff she does or says. Its so very entertaining. And especially now that two of our old favorite scandal makers--Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan--seem to be staying out of trouble, we need a new loony to follow. We are like moths attracted to the light of the crazy and in this case that light is coming from Sarah Palin's tanning bed.

I would also like to point out that Sarah shares a love of tanning (street name: tanorexia) with both Spears and Lohan (It might be the only interest Palin and Lohan share). Perhaps Obama could use this tidbit in a response to McCain's Celebrity ad. Just saying.

Top 5 Movies I Do NOT Want to See

2008-09-16T00:00:00.000-07:00

Right now there are exactly 26 movies playing at my local cineplex. Of those 26, I would maybe watch 7. I stress the 'maybe' in that last sentence because the real number is more like 5; however there are 2 that I could probably be talked into (Like Step Brothers. I generally enjoy 1 of every 3 Will Ferrell movies so maybe I'd get lucky, but I doubt it). As for the other 19? I would rather gargle Drano than pay money to watch them. Based solely on their trailers and posters, I have decided NOT to see the following 5 films because they resemble something I crapped out of my butt.

5. The Women: One look at the trailer and I've figured out the strategy to update a classic film for the Sex and the City generation. First, round up a bunch of formerly compelling actresses (plus Eva Mendes who has never been compelling). Second, put high heels on their feet and puns in their mouths. Third, let them loose in Manhattan to see what sexy hijinks they get themselves into. Last, watch the money roll in. Someone gag me with a knife.

4. Bangkok Dangerous: I have to hand it to Nicholas Cage. For such an ugly dude he sure makes a lot of money starring in stupid looking movies. I am convinced it's some sort of industry inside joke. Like: "We're stumped for a new movie idea so let's just have Nicholas Cage star in a remake of an old Nicholas Cage movie. As long as we change the title and accentuate how far his hairline has receded since last time, we can fool stupid moviegoers...again." No doubt hes in on the joke too, laughing all the way to the bank.

3. Babylon AD: I don't know anything about this movie except it stars Vin Diesel. That's all I need to know. This movie sucks. I'd rather perform lobotomies on skunks than watch it. And I'm not posting the trailer because I don't want to.

2. Disaster Movie: Sometimes I wonder how writer/director combo Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer have been able to make a career out of spoof films like Epic Movie, Date Movie, Scary Movie, and Meet the Spartans. But then I think about their target audience, stupid 11 year old boys, and it all makes sense. They should be really proud of their accomplishments. Of those movies listed above, I've only seen Scary Movie when I was in 8th grade and even then I was too old. Its no coincidence that the only spoof movies I actually like, "Not Another Teen Movie" and "Wet Hot American Summer" were not directed by these two asshats. Also, I refuse to support anyone who gives Kim Kardashian acting work, unless shes acting her way into a dark cave that will then be sealed forever.

1. The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: I saw the first Mummy movie. It was really really bad. I do admit the fantasy action genre is not really my thing (save Harry Potter). But even if it were, I can't imagine I would want to see the latest installment in this franchise. I'd rather give the $10 to someone to punch me in the stomach repeatedly. And while I am on the subject, Brendan Frasier seems to be taking advice from Nicholas Cage's book: "How to Succeed in (Show)Business Even Though You Have Awful Hair."

I suspect this will become a semi-regular feature here at The Junk Drawer considering every Friday more and more horrible movies are released.

I Love Sonic Ice!

2008-09-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

Today is the best day of my life!!!!!

Before I get to the meaning of my exclamatory statement, there is something you should know about me. I think it's important that you know this something, especially if we're going to continue this anonymous relationship in which I write about commercials and post pictures of executive cats (Merrill Lynch, you're next), and you somehow tolerate my idiocy and perhaps, enjoy it. My secret? I'm completely obsessed with SONIC ICE!

If you know what I mean offhand then hi-five(!), you are most likely my kindred spirit. If you're thinking "huh? I had a nintendo.", then please allow me to borrow your heart for a few minutes, and melt it (like ice, zowah!)

Sonic (The Hedgehog) Ice, not as tasty.

Sonic Drive-Ins are a chain of fast food restaurants scattered across the U.S.A. They are known for keeping the spirit of the 1950s drive-in alive by serving car side in roller skates. This is fucking awesome in itself, but please, stay with me before you run out of your house manically searching for the nearest Sonic establishment. Sonic offers much, much more than fast food in a quirky atmosphere, they offer quality, in a cup. As your "ultimate drink stop" they offer different flavors that may be added to your soda/juice/tea, in fact, Sonic claims that there are 168,894 possible drink combinations. Now, I just checked the math and Wikipedia was low balling me when they claimed I could drink a different combination from Sonic, everyday, for 462 years. In fact, I could do so for 469.15 years, that's 7.15 more years!

"Sonic is coming to my townnnn!!!"-Alex texted me, a month ago. I seethed with jealousy.

Are you still there? Impressive. Confession: I could buy the same drink at Sonic (Watermelon Sprite) forever and not care. But deprive me of Sonic ice, and I would jump off a bridge. Sonic ice is perfect, being the size of small pebbles, it will not hurt your teeth. Yet, it is crunchy, and magically retains the sweetness of your refreshment. So, when the liquid has expired, the ice retains the flavor of your drink so you can still enjoy the taste for hours and hours.

LOVE!

Before this very day, Sonic ice was a faraway dream at best, and a cruel tease at its very worst. For years, I have professed my adoration for Sonic ice with only being able to enjoy this treat in South Jersey (the closest to my former University) and South Carolina (where my parent's summer home is located and where there is a Sonic down the street). This has not stopped Sonic from advertising their product on my television, seemingly mocking me in my own living room. But today, this day that will be chiseled into my memory, is the day that I found out Sonic and it's ice is coming to my neighborhood. Rejoice!

If this wasn't convincing enough, please, watch this:

What is Weezy Doing RIGHT NOW?!

2008-09-14T00:47:00.000-07:00

If you are one this site's many followers then you know that we have recently discovered the worldwide phenomenon Weezy. That's rapper Lil Wayne's nickname for fellow hip-hop illiterates. Its not that we didn't know who Lil Wayne was (hes Lil Kim's sister, right?). We just weren't aware that he and this Weezy fellow we've been hearing so much about (especially from Michael Phelps) are the SAME PERSON! Silly us.

We regret that it has taken us this long to realize our ignorance, but we are happy to report that now that we've attained enlightenment, we are obsessed with Weezy! He's always on our minds. We were hootie hooing him on SNL tonight. We downloaded his new single as our ringtones. We're even considering matching tattoos. We love Weezy so much that we are constantly asking one another, "What do you think Weezy is doing right now?!" This seems like an innocent question, right? Wrong! It has actually caused true fights between us. We never agree on Weezy's whereabouts. Take tonight for example: we both had different ideas about how Weezy spent his time after performing on SNL.

I thought Weezy might unwind quietly at home by doing a relaxing jigsaw puzzle. After all, US Weekly tells me that celebrities are just like me:

Whereas my partner thought Weezy and Michael Phelps celebrated their SNL success by ordering McDonald's Happy Meals and playing with the free toys:

I would like to point out some flaws with this second picture. First, two cheeseburgers definitely will not satiate Michael Phelps' appetite! Second, this McDonald's is empty. Obviously if Weezy and Phelps showed up to an establishment (club, bar, fast food restaurant, et al) the place would be jumpin jumpin!

So faithful readers, we are asking for your assistance. Help us settle this debate. Of the two photos above, which one is a more accurate depiction of what Weezy is doing RIGHT NOW?! Let us know your vote in the comments section.

Fat Cat Felinenciers Set Hungry Eyes On Lehman Brothers To Lap Up Financial Mess

2008-09-13T12:28:00.001-07:00

As previously reported by my esteemed colleague, the Wall Street firm Lehman Brothers is in dire straits these days. After being rejected by the U.S. treasury for bail outs, the firm is on the chopping block, making it pretty much up for grabs by more successful financiers. Unlike the dog eat dog world of Lehman Brothers, these fat cats of the economy have the ability to do as they please, playing with the world as if it were dangling on a string.

Word on the street is that the Japan's biggest brokerage house, Nomura Holdings is looking to buy up a stake in the failing Lehman Brothers.

Here is what Nomura's Preisident, Kenichi Wantanabe had to say:

"The move would be part of our plan to spend 200 billion yen in American and European investments, this we believe, would be the cat's meow for Nomura."

Bank of America is also rumored to be a possible buyer of Lehman Brothers, and is a favorite among analysts for the takeover.

When CEO Kenneth Lewis was reached for comment, he replied:

"We believe Lehman Brother's would be a purrrrfect in the Bank of America Family. Burrrrrrrp!"

The London based Barclay's has also been speculated as a possible player in the redemption of Lehman's, though questions about culture clashes bog down this prospect.

President Bob Diamond noted this difference:

"The largest obstacle we face in breaking into the American financial market is the aged old dispute over the spelling of 'labour'."

Goldman Sachs has also placed their hat into the cat fight over Lehman Brothers. At the time of press, they could not be reached for comment.

A Goldman executive taking a power cat nap. Because everything Goldman execs do has to be precluded with 'power'.

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